urban_twilight

I'm feeling kinda depressed right now. Is that a bad thing?

School starts again tomorrow. It's gonna take me awhile to get back in focus... especially with math. God, I hate that subject so much.

I've been thinking about college a lot, and it's making me kinda paranoid. My grades aren't doing so well (mostly for reasons outside of my control) and I've been beating myself up about it. I know I can do better that this, and I really don't understand why I'm getting such bad grades all of a sudden...

I haven't had a lot of faith in myself lately, and I think that's the root of the problem. You'd think, with Christmas and the New Year I'd be in good spirits, but it seldom seems to work that way with me. I don't think I've had a really happy christmas since I left Winnipeg almost 5 years ago... I'm not good with holidays, generally, because it makes me feel restless. I'm a very dependent person, anything that disturbs the pattern of my lifestyle tends to make me uneasy, even if it's a change for the better. Which means, even though I'm glad to out of school for two weeks, I feel distracted and off-balance without the repetition of it. I'm weird like that I guess.

That's why having Khas here has held me up for these last two weeks. He's something that consumes my time, and that's usually what I need the most in these sort of situations. But once school starts again I'm going to be hard pressed to get everything done. Though I wish I had the extra money, it's fortunate for me that I don't have a job yet because I don't think I would be able to handle the stress, honestly.

I wish I didn't have school. >.<

I want to write something. Like fiction or... something. But the problem is, I don't have any ideas that I feels are good enough. Maybe something will pop up in a few days for me, before the feeling goes away. That would make me feel better, methinks.

Anyways, I guess I better hit the sack, cause I have to get up early tomorrow...

~Urban