urban_twilight

Update: THERE STILL MAY BE HOPE.

Fortunately, my mom and sister have the same kind of cell phone as me, so I switched the battery with my sisters and TADA! It works again!!

Don't worry, I'm not gonna steal my sisters and leave her with the busted one. (Not that she uses her cellphone anyways...>.>) But, this does mean that, instead of having to buy a completely new cell phone (which I still want, but we just don't have the money right now. I'd rather have a crappy cell phone than no cell phone) we can merely buy a new battery. A cheaper alternative!

I DON'T FAIL!!!


...and now I shall sneak quietly off to my singing lesson. Ciao!

~Urban

Behold the evil graffiti artist of D00M!!

Muahahaha!!!

~Urban

P.S: Do not ask why.

I'm feeling kinda depressed right now. Is that a bad thing?

School starts again tomorrow. It's gonna take me awhile to get back in focus... especially with math. God, I hate that subject so much.

I've been thinking about college a lot, and it's making me kinda paranoid. My grades aren't doing so well (mostly for reasons outside of my control) and I've been beating myself up about it. I know I can do better that this, and I really don't understand why I'm getting such bad grades all of a sudden...

I haven't had a lot of faith in myself lately, and I think that's the root of the problem. You'd think, with Christmas and the New Year I'd be in good spirits, but it seldom seems to work that way with me. I don't think I've had a really happy christmas since I left Winnipeg almost 5 years ago... I'm not good with holidays, generally, because it makes me feel restless. I'm a very dependent person, anything that disturbs the pattern of my lifestyle tends to make me uneasy, even if it's a change for the better. Which means, even though I'm glad to out of school for two weeks, I feel distracted and off-balance without the repetition of it. I'm weird like that I guess.

That's why having Khas here has held me up for these last two weeks. He's something that consumes my time, and that's usually what I need the most in these sort of situations. But once school starts again I'm going to be hard pressed to get everything done. Though I wish I had the extra money, it's fortunate for me that I don't have a job yet because I don't think I would be able to handle the stress, honestly.

I wish I didn't have school. >.<

I want to write something. Like fiction or... something. But the problem is, I don't have any ideas that I feels are good enough. Maybe something will pop up in a few days for me, before the feeling goes away. That would make me feel better, methinks.

Anyways, I guess I better hit the sack, cause I have to get up early tomorrow...

~Urban

I would totally enjoy the impending Christmas break more if I didn't have this essay due on Wednesday >.< Also, my life would improve if it would actually SNOW here and not just rain... :P I don't like rain all that much, you see.

I'm also kinda pissed that my school has tacked on two extra days of school Monday and Tuesday, with Christmas break starting officially on Christmas Eve. I mean, I understand that they want to give us the maximum amount of school days, but I mean seriously? Give us break! The teachers don't want to be there, the students don't want to be there, and half of the kids are going to be gone ANYWAYS because they have all left on vacation already. I know that everyone in Cold Lake have already started break...

Ah, essays, essays... how do you get around them? It doesn't help that I'm a horrible procrastinator, does it...

AARGH!

As a side note, I might mention that Khas finally arrived Wednesday night!! :D I was so ecstatically happy until I had to write a math test the next day, in which I failed horribly. I must have left half of the questions blank!!! What really pisses me off is that I was I knew the material, it was mostly composed of stuff that I had done last year so I caught on quickly. I actually felt like my old math-savvy self again, heh. But I think that my teacher must be deficient in writing test or something, because he'll ask us questions in the tests that he's never taught us how to solve, and it's really frustrating when you know that you've mastered all the stuff that he's actually taught you how to do... then he goes and drops a bombshell while cackling evilly. Thanks Mr. Southworth.

Ah well. I've decided that if I'm going to fail math, I might as well do it thoroughly.

So, back to my horse. :) Well, it's only been a few days in an already my parents and I are fighting about him. I mean, I get how they feel about everything; I know that owning a horse is not a cheap endeavor. But, they just assume that I take it all for granted, and that I don't realize how much they have sacrificed for him to actually be there. But I DO. Then they feel like for some reason every time I get angry at them is somehow related to me being "ungrateful" for them paying for him. I just wish that they would realize that, being human, I have my ups and downs just like every other person, and just because they have done something extremely generous for me doesn't mean that I'm going to become perfect overnight. The funny thing is, that is exactly what they want. Whats even more frustrating is that while they claim that I'm not showing any appreciation, they make absolutely no effort to attempt to change themselves. Cooperation involves more than just one-person effort, children. Take my dad two nights ago for instance. It was 12:00 at night when I had just gotten back from a night out. I was getting a drink and saying how I wanted to go out tomorrow and see Khas and my dad was like "So, are you gonna ride him?"

To fully understand my reaction to this statement, you must understand that pretty much for the last three months we've been here, especially the last couple of days, I've been telling my parents that it was going to take awhile for Khas to be completely settled in at his new stable and that I wasn't planning on riding him until he was here for at least a week or so. So when my dad asked me this obviously insipid question I just gave him an inquiring are-you-high? look and replied, "No."

Really, that should have ended the conversation. But no, he had to go and be all superior and ask my why. Point a) It wasn't like he hadn't HEARD all of this already. Point b) I really wasn't feeling up to explaining my reasoning AGAIN to someone who had heard hundreds of times already. So I just looked at him testily and told him that Khas was my horse and that I could do what I wanted with him, that it really wasn't any of his business if I wanted to ride him or not, etc, etc. So EXCUSE me. I didn't need him giving me an interrogation at midnight about something that probably wouldn't understand anything about. To my dad, he doesn't seem to understand that animals, especially horses, suffer from anxiety just like we humans do.

Anyways, so my dad yelled back at me that it was his business and my mom looked at me disapprovingly and told me I was being unreasonable. How exasperating are they? Can they not trust me to make the right decisions by my horse especially considering that I have tons of more experience in this sort of thing than they do?

-sigh- Whatever.

I would just like to tell them someday that I treat them exactly the same way they treat me, and that if they want this to change then maybe they should try treating my differently. Because my parents are not as perfect as they make themselves out to be.

Anyways, back to my essay...

~Urban

When you're in high school, you know how there's always a few, annoying and awkward kids that never realize that everyone hates their guts? Of course you do.

Anyways, I'm in my high schools production of the musical Beauty and the Beast, which is opening Friday night... O.O But for some odd reason, our drama teacher decided to cast one of those socially awkward kids for a role. Not that I'm... against it, per se, but seriously, this kid is ANNOYING. And awkward.

This person is always picking fights with other people, and for stupid reasons like "He keeps standing in front of me on stage!" or "He keeps following me around and it bugs me, OMG." Things that just makes you sigh and roll your eyes, and wonder why you must suffer such punishment.

Well, after being gone for almost three weeks on a "Caribbean Cruise Trip" this guy returns to practice TWO DAYS BEFORE OPENING NIGHT. Seriously, dude? We were all hoping that he had just been kicked out >.< So he arrives at practice and just guess what he was carrying! At least 5 volumes of the Rurouni Kenshin manga. Since I got hooked on RK before I moved, none of my friends share my absolute worship of the series. So I was the only person who was completely struck dumb. I wanted to tear them out the guys hands and run away screaming. I mean, he must have had half of the school library's RK collection. Does he really read them that fast? I had to wonder to myself, trying to stop my fingers from twitching.

So if he likes RurouKen, and I like RurouKen, does that... connect us somehow? -shudders- This is so casting my perspective in shadow. RK is tainted, I tell you, TAINTED!!!!!!

WHY, YE GODS WHY?!

~Urban

I'm sure that this is one of the most talked-about topics floating around LJ right now, but... I might as well add in my own two cents.

So, Twilight movie, anyone?

-gets attacked by random people-

Anyways, relating to the title of this post, I've been seriously considering the Twilight series in general and asking myself exactly why I like it so much. Rewind back say... about three months ago when Breaking Dawn came out. Sadly enough, I was one of those mindless, completely obsessed fangirls who devoured the book like it was more important than oxygen.

And I enjoyed it. I completely swallowed it up. IMHO, it was the best thing since sliced bread.

-shakes head- While I don't share exactly the opinions of some of my friends towards the book (they think Stephenie Meyer is trying to send us subliminal Mormon messages through them. It's a conspiracy, I say!), I have to admit, I am beginning to doubt my earlier worship of them. Ignoring the fact that I can name TONS of better written books (including fanfics) from the top of my head, that doesn't excuse the fact that the stories really have absolutely no plot at all. This topic has been argued to death over, and over... and over again. So I won't go into it.

However, I suppose that what attracted me to the series were the characters. Other than the fact that they are vampires, I enjoyed sharing the characters' emotions and learning about them. This is the one thing that I am still adamant about: the vamps were very well developed throughout the story. And then... there's Bella. Two words: Mary-Sue. But of course, this is once again another topic that I am simply not going to dive into.

Heading back to the movie, watching it really cast some light onto certain aspects of the story to me, Edward in particular. Maybe it's just bad acting, but I had never really realized just how absolutely creepy Edward really is. I mean, I already knew that he was kinda a stalker, but he was seriously a real creeper in the movie. Not romantic in the least. I was completely disgusted.

What really bugs me though is that they really could have made this into a good movie. I mean, the books themselves are so simple that it was just a matter of deciding what scenes packed in more vital information. AKA: Scrap the pillow talk.

Edward was definitely their worst mistake. Awkwardest actor I have ever had the misfortune to see on the big screen. I must have a permanent wrinkles from all the times that I cringed whenever he said something. And Jasper... oh, Jasper...

The point is, the Twilight series has almost become a kind of vortex that sucks you in. Like the Harry Potter series, all the hype around them makes you expect them to be good. You get sucked into the publicity and it's like you've been brainwashed into liking a series that doesn't really deserve it. I'm just surprised that I didn't realize it sooner...

(On the other hand, I DID get to see the preview for the next HP movie and it looks SO EPIC.)

So it's day three in my new American High School regime. So, what's the verdict? Do I hate it? Tolerate it? Or do I actually enjoy wandering around in a school that is easily 10 times bigger then my old school? I'm not sure yet. It struck me yesterday morning, that everything here seems like a dream. I see the people all around me, but it's like they don't exist. Usually, I'm super aware of people and the fact that, right now, they are thinking their own thoughts, and have a different life than mine. Even the people that I talk to, they don't seem dynamic. It's like they are a characters in a book. How ironic, haven't I always wanted to be in a book?
Sorry. I'm being cynical, aren't I? I can't help but wonder, again, that my life is going to go in a completely different direction now. If I had stayed in Cold Lake, what sort of person would I have become? I wouldn't have changed much, I don't think. Same friends, same habits, same life. Maybe my life was destined to be that way. And I didn't mind at all. I'm not going to say that I was perfectly happy, because I wasn't. For that matter, I'm still not. But I had at least reached a grey area. An impasse. I wasn't happy, but I wasn't unhappy; I had no reason to be. But I wasn't going anywhere...
Right now I feel like I'm struggling in an overwhelmingly strong current. It's all I can do to breathe. If you can call it that; it's more like I'm gasping for air.
Yesterday, for example. I was walking to one of my classes and suddenly it was all I could barely hold back tears. I was looking at all the faces around me, and it was so weird. I felt like I wasn't there. In Cold Lake, I knew mostly everyone in my school on friendly terms; if I didn't, I at least recognized their faces. Here, I don't think I'm even going to be able to recognize everyone in my grade alone! How can they stand it!? Walking around and everyday it's like you're in a new school? No one cares...
So, going back to my question earlier, I have to wonder what sort of course my life is going to take now. Back in Cold Lake, I was pretty sure what was going to happen. At least, as sure as one can be about their future. I would finish school, most likely with wonderful marks; keep singing in music festival, though I probably wouldn't make it past provincials; probably get the leading role in the school musical; ride my horse as much as I could; see Amanda's baby being born and actually get my chance to be an aunt; compete in Canadian Idol and hope for the best; and finally, graduate and set out for university.
What's going to happen now is a mystery. I know that I'm not going to be sitting on top of the honor roll anymore, I might not even get A's in all my subjects like I'm used to.
I guess this post has grown into full blown venting. But there's so many things that I haven't mentioned yet, like how I feel about the people I've been hanging out with for the last two days, or my classes, or the fact that I have to get up at 5:00 in the morning just to make my bus.

How am I going to survive this?

~Urban

-points up- That just about explains it, eh? Haha, but seriously, I just got back from work and I am BEAT! Not to mention I hardly got any sleep last night. -sigh- I was falling asleep all over the place in school today, though mostly in Bio and Math. I hate math... >.<

But I am insanely happy right now because I finally got my nose pierced!!!! ^o^ YAY ME! I've wanted to get my nose pierced for EVER! And my parents finally let me!! I was so excited. On the down side, I haven't able to see Khas for over a week now. Stupid work. Stupid me needeing money so I HAVE to work. Speaking of needing money, I guess I better make this announcement here and now : I'm moving. MOVING! To the USA of all places. Washington DC to be exact. Can you imagine moving from a small north Albertan town to the capital of the United States? Maybe I'll go over to White House, chat with George Bush for awhile and describe in fine detail exactly why he is stupid and needs to be shot, maybe go visit some museums, do some shopping, etc, etc. Scratch that. No shopping, because I need to save my money in order to bring my HORSE with me.

My parents want me to sell him and in no way on earth am I going to do THAT willingly. He's my very first horse ever. I can't imagine giving him up yet. I AM going to take him with me even if I have to ride him all the way over there. Unlikely, but definately something worth considering, heh. But it means that I'm stuck in "Extreme Savings Mode". So far,I'm not very good at it. But I digress.

I guess I better hit the sack now, though I am feeling pretty proud of myself for writing in here for two days in a row now. Thankfully I don't have to work tomorrow, though my friend Danielle might be coming over to do some more work on a school project, so I won't be spending the day relaxing. Too bad...

See ya!!

~Urban

Arg, worst day EVER!!!!

I can't believe how awful today has been. I feel totally gross and just... arg!

I work at A&W and it was just awful working tonight. It seemed as if the whole city was coming in and I was working the drive thru. We kept getting orders mixed up and we're practically $6000 behind for profit. What a day. And did I mention that someone took their food without paying in the drive thru and it was practically my fault? They were laughing as they drove away.

I think the only good thing is that I got $25 for singing "Oh Canada" on Canada day. And I get tomorrow off, thank GOD!

Anyways, I'm sure that no one wants to hear me complain about how sucky my life is. And I need to go to bed soon, so see ya.

-Urban

Ahem. I guess i haven't posted in awhile, eh? I guess it's because I've been busy. I've had exams to do (don't they suck?) and just blah.

And I've also just finished watching the last episode of a very good anime. :D -points at userpic- That's the main character! Doesn't he look cool? -swoons-

Yes, the anime that I'm talking about is "Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto" It was quite the little treat for the die-hard Rurouni Kenshin fan that I am. My userpic is actually a screencap from my second favorite scene in the last episode. Ehe hehe.

Anyways, that's just the most random thing that it going on in my life right now...

Ciao!

~Urban